Monday, April 20, 2015


Erm, I'm having a complex relationship with science, right here.

See, I want to pursue a career of science in the future. Specifically astronomy. I'm trying to get as much information as possible about it and want to do something related to that before I really get into it, just to make sure I really like it, and who knows? Perhaps it'll help with college application (okay probably not.) But then I realised that there's little I can do. 

I subscribed to tons of science related newsletter just to keep up with the newest of the news. I also make notes when reading any science-y stuff. I also try to study hard on maths and physics and chemistry (or I might have slacked off a bit...but shhhh I'll get back to studying after I finish this post.)

When reading or watching videos about science, there's always a question nagging me. Sure, this is really awesome for introducing science to people out there who might have a bad impression about it or are not interested in it, but what of us who want something further? Deeper? When fun facts can't satisfy our little brains anymore? Like, how do they attain the results, exactly? What method? How do they analyse those numbers? How do they know that the method they used actually works? What instruments do they use, and how does the instruments work? What about the calculations? The computer code? I want to know all of it. If those articles and videos only talk about the fun stuff, how am I going to know if I really love science when it comes to the actual work? Let's put it another way. If the purpose of those articles and videos are to draw people into the wonderful world of science, then what next? 

I've thought of doing science projects/studies/research by myself but pfffft. What can a 17-year-old do? Plus, I...don't....really...have...the....time.

Compared with science, languages, another field that I'm quite interested in, is rather easy. It's an everyday thing, either my first or second language are easy to access. I'm even thinking of learning a third language. I've thought about studying linguistics or just foreign languages in college a few times, but you know what? I kinda suck at history. And social studies. Also literature isn't my forte. And you can't really get a job having a degree of linguistics can you? (No, I will definitely not be a teacher. I'm bad with people.)

I follow a lot of blogs, and most of them are book blogs or just people sharing their lives. But I never encountered a blog about science. Yes, there are websites just for science news, but they're still different to blogs. On blogs, it's about interacting with the author, whereas news websites, it's just information. It'd be really nice if I actually knew someone who is a scientist so that I can ask him/her everything about it. All I know is some scientist always had a dream of becoming one when they're little, and then BAM, they're scientists. Yay. Wait. What about the middle? Have they ever struggled with it? Because that actually gives me the thought that all scientists are just geniuses born with science brains.

On the other hand, I've seen people who are like, "Oh, you don't like science? You can't do science? Dumb."
Uh, excuse me, f**k you. That's all I'm gonna say.

Well, actually there's more. Look. I love science, even though it can be an asshole along with math sometimes. Sometimes I find it hard to comprehend, and sometimes all I want to do is burn my physics textbook and throw it at the wall. But I also find joy and excitement in it. I'm not some sort of genius who can solve all the problems upon seeing them, but I'm working on getting better at it. At least I'm trying to make myself believe that although I struggle with it, I can still do it and become what I want to be.

Some people are acting as if knowing science makes them superior to others. Ah, well, they don't understand how freaking hard  social studies or dealing with people are. I admire people who do mass communications, history, laws, writing, teaching, even politics (yeah, politicians can be shameless sometimes, but in general they still support the country. That . Is. Incredible.) Being a scientist is my ultimate goal. It'd be a lot easier if I could apply what I learn to daily life, or at least understand it. (That's actually how I learn my languages. I don't know, how do you think of my English? I'm not a native speaker...) How it was made competitive at school just makes me anxious and hate myself. Sometimes I even have the thought to quit science and run off to the sunset with languages. Sometimes.

The point is, STEM subjects are cool, and I really want to work on that, but in day to day life, it seems that all I see is the surface and the results. When I want to get into it, it doesn't seem to be anyway accessible. This got me thinking, astronomers seems to have little to do with our day to day lives. What do they contribute to our world other than the satisfaction of human curiosity? On the other hand, I love, love, love it. It's been a dream job of mine since eight? nine? well, since I was very young. And since astronomers don't grow food or make smartphones, society wouldn't have much to offer to build huge telescopes and pay astronomers. Isn't it hard.

So basically this post is my ramblings and worrying about everything science. Huh.

Do you like science? What do you think? Any advice? Any online resource you recommend? What do you think of science in media and how it's portrayed? What about science lovers on the internet?

Thanks so much for reading, and even more thanks and love if you comment!

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